Equally yoked

When I was 10 years old, my dad was employed as an AOC at the Air Force Academy. My dad was the commanding officer for the 5th squadron of cadets attending the academy. Because he interacted with the cadets in nearly every portion of their lives on campus, he was blessed with some pretty sweet tickets to watch the Air Force Falcons on the gridiron. I remember him taking me to a football game one sunny afternoon. In my little mind we were sitting on the 50 yard line, perfect view, perfect day, perfect game. But there was one problem. I knew absolutely nothing about football. It was then that my dad gave me one of the greatest gifts of my life: an understanding of the game and a new-found love for this sport! He taught me about the downs. Four tries to get 10 yards. I loved that idea. Something I could keep up with. Here's these 11 guys--some big, some fast, all wearing blue--who all had the same purpose. Get that pigskin from where it's starting to where it needs to go. As I got older I learned about the positions, the plays, the blocks, the holes. And the more football I watched, the more rules I learned, the penalties, the guidelines. Man, I love football!! The intricacies and the detail and the sophistication...and yet the simplicity of it all, it's beautiful. 

A great man, leader and teacher, Boyd K. Packer, tells a story about a country fair in New Hampshire he attended. At the fair, he watched the oxen pull competition. He saw a pair of big blue oxen he was certain would win the competition based on their size and stamina in comparison to the other teams. He was amazed when this favorite team did not even place. Instead, he watched a "small, nondescript pair of animals, not very well matched for size, moved the sledge all three times." Curious, he asked a local man what the difference had been. The response he received follows. "The big blues were larger and stronger and better matched for size than the other team. But the little oxen had better teamwork and coordination. They hit the yoke together. Both animals jerked forward at exactly the same time and the force moved the load.

One of the big blue oxen had lagged a second or pushed a second too soon—something like a football player being off side—and the force was spent in a glancing blow. The yoke then was twisted and the team jerked to one side and the sledge hardly moved” (Packer, “Equally Yoked Together” 2004).
            I don’t know a lot about oxen, but I do know a lot about football. When I think of a football player being offsides, I cheer a little if I’m on offense…but if I’m on defense--ouch! But if you think about these 11 players, and how often either a false start or off sides is called, it is amazing how equally yoked one team can be! In cadence, they all know when to push or when to pull. And then each player has a different strength, different tasks, different positions. No two players have the same exact role. However, all 11 players have the same exact goal. Team victory. And when they are equally yoked there are no penalties, no set backs…only progress forward and together.
            What a great analogy for marriage!! As Eric and I have discussed what principles lead to a happy marriage, the idea of being equally yoked is always one of our staples. The teamwork and coordination that go into a marriage don’t depend on being the biggest or best, but just partnering up, shouldering burdens, and setting out together with the same goal in mind. I have enjoyed watching couples in all walks and stages of life who are finding happiness and success as a couple because they are equally yoked. I do not think this means being the same, liking the same things, or having the same strengths. On the contrary, I have seen couples with very different interests and hobbies have some of the strongest marriages because the core principles, ethics and goals of their marriage are the same. They push together in one direction.
            How can we improve our yokes? Any good football team knows the plays. They spend hours studying the strategy. The athletes all respond to the cadence. As couples, we can discuss our goals, talk about where we see our relationship headed, make a plan on how to get there. We can coordinate our efforts. Highlight one another’s strengths and discuss ways these strengths can balance out weaknesses. And don’t let the big blue oxen discourage your partnership. You know the secret. Team victory is yours!