Slow to Anger

When I was in 6th grade, the world of organized sports was about to blow wide open. My friend loved basketball and her dad was putting together a traveling team. She asked me if I wanted to be a part of it. At that time, I was unable to participate, but it lit this fire in my mind that I was worth the recruiting. We moved that summer to New Mexico, and when my junior high announced try-outs for the school basketball team, I knew I had to share my recruitable gift! My mom, on the other hand, knew that I had zero basketball experience and that everyone had been invited to the traveling team. So she prepared me for tryouts. "IF you don't make the team, maybe you could be the manager. Tell the coach you are in honors math and are good with numbers. It would be fun to keep score and stats." As life goes, mothers always know best, and I didn't even make it past the first cut. But I raced right up to the coach and asked to be the manager. So my journey with organized sports began. I attended all the practices and traveled to all the games. It was very fun. One particular night after practice, and before the era of cell phones, my mom forgot to pick me up...for nearly an hour. As my coach waited with me, we got to know each other very well. We also talked about the future of our team. A couple of our teammates had to quit the team, and coach wondered if maybe I would want to suit up and start playing basketball. What a gift! I started with the basics, but as it turned out, I was more of a recruitable gift than anyone realized! In no time I was seeing game time. During games I knew my role. Post, rebound, stand in the low spot during free throws, rebound, pass, and if I was lucky--shoot. One game, the refs called for free throws. I went right to my spot down low so I could rebound. All of a sudden everyone started telling me, "You're shooting" "Go Shoot!" "You're up there!" I remember being surprised. Me? Shoot free throws? Usually it was our best player. How did I get so lucky? Well, I shot my free throws, and as my dad tells the story he prayed that ball into that basket! My first scoring game! After the game I walked up to my parents as they cheered and hoop-lahed my point, and with all the sincerity and honesty in my heart I said, "But why did they choose me to shoot the free throws?" I was new enough to the game that I didn't understand a foul had been committed against me while I was shooting. My parents told me it was because I was the prettiest one out there, laughed and hugged me.
There are some players in the NBA today that are known for their flops. They want to be fouled, they will fake it til they make it. They expect to be fouled, they plan for it, they depend on it. Which type of player are we in our marriage? Do we look for the fouls? Or do we carry on with our game, not even realizing we have been wronged. Do we rely on an outside source to tell us when an error has been made? Or do we keep playing the game, knowing we are all trying to fill our roles and do our best? Typically, a husband or wife is not trying to incite or anger his or her spouse. Situations and moments that can lead to heated arguments or hurt feelings are rarely planned. They are not the desired outcome. It is our human nature that seems to pit us against our truest confidant at times. However, we have the greater power within us to overcome the tendency to over react and let our tempers and pointed fingers of blame get the better of us. We do not need to seek out a fight. It can be hard as we navigate the journey of blending two individuals into one relationship, but it is worth it to expect the best of one another's intentions and play on and be slow to anger. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "I plead with you to control your tempers, to put a smile upon your faces, which will erase anger; speak out with words of love and peace, appreciation, and respect. If you will do this, your lives will be without regret. Your marriages and family relationships will be preserved. You will be much happier. You will do greater good. You will feel a sense of peace that will be wonderful" (Hinckley, Slow to Anger, 2007). When we feel the heat start to boil inside of us, there are many different techniques that can slow our anger. Take a walk, count to ten, 5 big breaths, sing a song. Maybe most importantly, remember who it is that you are working with. It is not a stranger on the street. It's not a co-worker that will move out of your life. It is your one true love. Your lifelong partner. Your truest friend. It is not worth it to let anger creep into your relationship. We can choose to forgive and discuss, and then certainly we will be the prettiest one on the court.